Sometimes you dont know your future.You may not know whatyou will do may cause something drastic.I didint know that by teling my brother that i was hit up by some guies and I was with my little sister wuld change our life’s.I was scared and mad,I didnt know what to do.Life as i knew it wuld change.
It was a nice day,Friday was the day.My brother Mariano was mowing the lawn.I sudenly apear,I tell my brother Mariano what had hapened.He then stops and calls some friends,we then look for Churo and Pancho.It was ten minutes after when we found them walking.My brother and a friend were chasing them,I was behind.churo and Pancho ran ito a house.im guessing they called some friends,because about five guies showed up.we were only three guies at the time.
Like a minute later most of my friends showed up.They get off their cars and confront them.The african americans were scared.My brother Mariano confronts them one by one, they were scared, you could tell because the African Americans were backing up.When my brother Mariano got to the last one, the boy was sixteen.He pulled out a gun.He hesitated,but my brother Mariano was geting to close.Then the sixteen year old shot my brother Mariano.
He had shot my brother,I hadent realized it was my brother, but it was. My friends Grandulon was in his car,he took him to the hospital.Four of my friends were caught.They were taken to the police station.They were cheked to see if they had a record.They were free’d the next morning.The sixteen year old was found in the hospital.He had shot himself in the foot.He is now locked up.My brother in the other hand was fighting for his life.Why?Because of something someone said.Till this day i still think about it.if you realy think about it it wasent churos fault,it was panchos fault!!
October 26, 2007 at 8:45 pm
If you are writing in the first person, you can only describe the things your character would see, hear, do, and think.
Instead of having the first paragraph tell us what happened, let the main character tell Mariano what happened and we both can be filled in at the same time. This also gives opportunity for Mariano to show how he feels and foreshadow the events to come.
Find more places to show instead of telling.
October 29, 2007 at 8:12 pm
the sixteen year old is a coward…….