Comments for Albert13's Weblog

Comment on short story by dyeguy6

dyeguy6 — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 20:12:57 +0000

the sixteen year old is a coward…….

Comment on short story by Mr Mollet

Mr Mollet — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 20:45:19 +0000

If you are writing in the first person, you can only describe the things your character would see, hear, do, and think.

Instead of having the first paragraph tell us what happened, let the main character tell Mariano what happened and we both can be filled in at the same time. This also gives opportunity for Mariano to show how he feels and foreshadow the events to come.

Find more places to show instead of telling.

Comment on Hello world! by B1G BAD A55 M3MO

B1G BAD A55 M3MO — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:16:18 +0000

i dont have a conflict doe

Comment on SHORT STORY by Mr Mollet

Mr Mollet — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:34:17 +0000

if you realy think about it it wasent his problem,it was his friends problem. – Consider making up names for the people in the story, it would be easier to follow who does what.

Start the story in the car on the way to the fight. Have the younger brother tell the older one what is going on so that the audience will still know.

Comment on Hello world! by mario11

mario11 — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 16:21:44 +0000

thats a good story its ur brother ok its all good dont change anything